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A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.
The lawyer replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here?"
The doctor replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds."
The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee," he asked, "how do you start a flood?"
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Just whisper A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander. “Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them,” instructed the lawyer. The witness hesitated. “But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear,” she protested. “Then,” said the attorney, “just whisper them to the judge.” Even animals need lawyer |
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What do lawyers and bullfrogs have
in common?
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What happens when you cross a pig
with a lawyer?
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What is the difference between a
catfish and a lawyer?
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What is the difference between a
poisonous snake and a lawyer?
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What is the difference between a
vulture and a lawyer?
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What is the difference between a
vulture and a lawyer?
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What is the difference between a
vulture and a lawyer?
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What’s black and brown and looks
good on a lawyer?
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Everyone Hates Lawyers
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From centuries past, when barristers and solicitors did not mix:
Once, in Dublin, a solicitor came up to a barrister to beg a subscription towards the
funeral expenses of a brother solicitor who had died in distressed circumstances. The
barrister at once tendered a pound note.
"Oh, I only want a shulling from each contributor" said the solicitor.
"Take it, my dear fellow," replied the barrister. "And while you're at it,
bury twenty of them!"
A lawyer finds out he has an inoperable brain tumor. It's so large, they have to do
a brain transplant. His doctor gives him a choice of available brains. There's a jar of
rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an
ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the sum of $800 an ounce. The outraged lawyer says,
"This is a ripoff! How come the lawyer brains are so damned expensive?" The
doctor replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of
brains?"
An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take all his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me." At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears
and confessed that he had only put $20,000 into the envelope because he needed $10,000 for a new baptistery. "Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000." The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."
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